stability in your personal life and 10 ways to handle negative
the managing director of a pharmaceutical company. My life is fairly
comfortable -- I earn good money and am settled in my personal life
too with my wife, and two children," says 32-year-old Kolkata based
are not as peaceful as they may seem. My family constantly complains
about my irritability and lack of patience at home. I seem to react
strongly to the children making a noise.
Also, my wife
thinks I often lose patience when I take her out shopping. What is
surprising is that I was not like this a few years ago." he adds.
Ravi's story sound familiar? Is this the scene in your home as well?
probably facing emotional volatility -- a state where you
feel extremely positive one day and extremely negative on other days.
In the down phase you tend to lose patience with those you interact
this happen? How can you overcome it? Prachi Vaish, a clinical
psychologist offers help on both counts.
to find 'me' time:
troubled by the demands on his time -- either by bosses and customers
or wife and children. Maintaining the balance is becoming increasingly
difficult for him. Ravi feels he was fairly stable a few years ago
and these bouts of annoyance are new. He feels, that for all his
accomplishments, he is at the moment missing peace in his life.
Sharma, a Pune-based interior designer, has similar issues. She comes
home after a long day at work to a round of cooking and children's
homework. Her children no longer enjoy studying with her because she
tends to scold them more than help them learn.
your relationships with your spouse, friends and relatives, over a
period of time, create stress within you and bring about emotional
Pariyani, a housewife, has been raising her two children in India,
practically as a single parent. Her husband, who runs an electronics
goods store in Hong Kong, seldom comes back to India to spend time
with his family. Aditi is facing severe depression. She is irritable
and has, over a period of time, lost her friends too, because of her
Any kind of
dissatisfaction from your current love relationship takes a toll on
your well-being and the anxiety leads to a constantly volatile temper.
often deals with cases of severe depression and anxiety, rates
retirement as a common cause of emotional volatility. "Women come to
our clinics, wondering what has gone wrong with their husbands after
"He used to
be fine earlier. But ever since he stopped working, he seems to have a
problem with anything and everything at home. It's become impossible
to even clean the room, as he will fret and fume about why his glasses
were kept in a different place."
deals with patients who behave nasty during phases when they are
between jobs and have nothing to do. These people feel as though life
is quickly passing them by, and others are growing in their careers.
us undergo long periods of emotional volatility when an unexpected
tragedy occurs in our lives. Like the death of a loved one, betrayal
in relationships, etc often throw us into a depression. And that
brings about extreme patterns of behaviour. One minute you feel
you will be able to pick up the pieces and walk again. But the very
next moment you find yourself snapping at even your near and dear
to express yourself:
you unable to articulate your thoughts about difficult/unpleasant
situations? A shortage of communication skills is frustrating and can
make you ill-humoured and oversensitive.
hails from a small town in Madhya Pradesh. He has achieved success,
thanks to a lot of hard work. But he has a complex about his English
skills and lack of grooming.
makes him unapproachable and ill-tempered. This works as a defence
mechanism and has gradually alienated him.
II) How to
prevent emotional volatility:
science of meditation has helped one and all overcome the severest of
anxiety disorders," says Prachi.
2) Try not to
carry work home:
When the work
day ends, end it there. Do not carry work troubles home. "Easier said
than done", you will say. True, but "practice makes perfect", says
3) Join a
shift focus from your own problems to bigger problems that people are
facing in the world, it makes your pain tolerable. It also serves as a
healthy cure for the issues responsible for your emotional volatility.
4) Be aware
of your behaviour:
yourself. This will help check negative behaviour.
5) Be aware
You feel the
need to be understood. But so do others. Be compassionate in your
dealings with those around you and try to understand their situations.
That will ultimately help you.
Try going to
the nearest garden in the evening. The grass and the plants may not be
as green as they used to be when you were a kid, but you will feel a
distinct change in the quality of air you breathe out there. The
oxygen level is higher close to trees and plants before dusk.
Nearly all of
us have witnessed behaviour patterns between parents and children.
Transactional analysis or TA, developed by Canadian psychiatrist Eric
Berne, classifies human behaviour as three ego states:
(aggressive, controlling, nurturing)
(passive/submissive , defiant, impulsive)
(assertive, balanced, real)
state is different for each person, as a perception of the parent, the
child and the adult comes from your own parents, your own childhood
and your own experiences in life, respectively.
establishes that all of us tend to use one or more patterns of
behaviour from this set and encourages adult behaviour in situations
of conflict. An adult looks at the situation objectively and instead
of reacting in an impulsive way, asserts himself firmly but politely.
psychology helps you understand not only why people behave the way
they do with you but also why you react the way you do. It is
to Prachi, "We use behavioural modification therapy under which, we
recommend self-help books. I'm OK, You're OK by Thomas A Harris
and Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Golman are two such
"We ask our
patients to join art, music or dance classes, as these allow free
expression and hence are de-stressing in nature," says Prachi.
who are not interested in these, we encourage diary writing. It is
better to blurt (your feelings) on paper rather than to people.
Not only does it allow a vent to the person's feeling, but also lets
him/her go back to it later and analyse his/her feelings" she adds.
home neat and tidy and your papers organised. Clean surroundings keeps
your mind free from clutter. It negates the feeling of being
overwhelmed and disorganised.